KnotMissPriceless Why so much hype?
RipDelight This is a tender, generous movie that likes its characters and presents them as real people, full of flaws and strengths.
Ogosmith Each character in this movie — down to the smallest one — is an individual rather than a type, prone to spontaneous changes of mood and sometimes amusing outbursts of pettiness or ill humor.
haildevilman Basically an 80's style comedy with European style gore. OTT gore too.Two young brothers get a visit from Uncle Anwar. (Really.) He gives them a present right before the cops kill him in a hail of bullets. Unc was a killer apparently. Years later same bros are running a greasy spoon when they manage to revive Unc's head with a voodoo spell. Now he needs a body. You see where this is going right?Like Frankenhooker, they get body parts for him from unsuspecting customers. And it being a diner, how do you THINK they get rid of the body parts they don't need???One poor lass gets deep fat fried, another fat dude gets creamed by a car, and another gets sawed in half.....lengthwise. The kills are creative beyond belief, and it's played as the blackest of black comedies. It almost seems like it could be a Police Academy knock-off at times.The humor is as gross as the kills too. Don't eat while watching this. And the two leads (Burks and Crews) do a good job with the material. Burks would die in a car crash not too long after the film's release.I used to own a cassette but got rid of it during on of my many international moves. I'm basing my review on a 20+ year old memory. I wonder if it's still watchable though?
merklekranz Right from the git-go with a hilarious scrolling warning of violence to come, the viewer becomes aware that nothing in "Blood Diner" is to be taken seriously. What you get is an over the top dark comedy, that races through 88 minutes at a frantic pace. It all begins with Uncle Anwar's talking resurrected brain that lives in a jar. He commands two doofus nephews in a hilarious scheme to resurrect a Lumerian Goddess. Nothing makes sense, a topless aerobic's class massacre, a female cop named Jackson who looks like a Michael Jackson clone, a competitor diner owner who communicates through his ventriloquist's dummy, a death by falling stalactite scene, and it goes on and on. The film must be seen, as describing it is futile. "Blood Diner" also has an outstanding doo-wop soundtrack. Highly recommended of it's type. - MERK
ShotgunHemingway When someone asks you what the best horror remake is, what do you say? Usually it's going to be The Thing. Some might say Dawn of the Dead. The misguided might say Halloween. But there's one film that rarely, if ever, comes into the conversation, but most definitely should, and that's Blood Diner.Blood Diner is the 1987 redux of the classic HG Lewis flick Blood Feast. To be fair, if there ever was a film to warrant the term "re-imagining", this is it. If you've seen the Lewis film, you know it can be a little tedious and kind of drag on a little bit. I don't mean to take anything away from Mr. Lewis and his importance to the genre, it's just sometimes difficult to watch. Blood Diner on the other hand is a film meant for viewers with ADD. Or that are on copious amounts of drugs.The film is a pitch dark comedy featuring two brothers, Michael Tutman (Rick Burks) and George Tutman (Carl Crew) that take on the task of completing the resurrection the Lumerian goddess Sheetar, after their serial killer uncle Anwar Namtut (Drew Goddars) fails to do so (and is killed in the process).In order to resurrect Sheetar,the two brothers must piece together different body parts from nefarious women, and invoke the goddess at a "blood buffet" with a virgin on hand for Sheetar to eat when she awakens. The brothers, all the while, are running the very popular Tutman Cafe, which serves health food that's "too good to be true". Hmm. Two goofball detectives are hard at work trying to track down the brothers the whole time.I'll be honest with you, this is one of the most ludicrous films I've ever seen. Don't believe me? Watch this clip and find out for yourself. And that's only the half of it, other insane moments in the film include George's wresting match with "Jimmy Hitler" (pictured), a 400 pound health food critic that vomits on all of the patrons of the Tutman Cafe, an insane competitor to the café that talks to and through a life-sized dummy, and a topless cheerleader massacre. And if that's not enough reasons for you to watch this film, wait until you see the party scene in the final act. Pure gold.I really don't want to spoil the film. Let me take that back, I don't want to spoil the great gags in the film, because you need to see this one relatively fresh. As it was, the first time I watched it I was completely unsure of what to expect. The film starts off innocently enough, two kids at home in the 1950s are interrupted by a bloody, meat clever wielding killer as the play in their homes. Turns out the man holding the clever is none other than the kids Uncle Amwar! Amwar goes off on a small rant about how he had to cut off his own dick and then makes the two kids promise they will finish his work for him. They agree, the cops show up, he goes out to greet them and...well, just watch it.Finding this film on a home video format would be easier said than done, because the film has only officially been released on VHS. You can maybe find a bootleg DVD on Amazon or eBay every now and then, surely it's just a VHS transfer, but better than nothing. Of course, there's a link at the top of this post that will take you to the film in its entirety on Youtube, if you can stomach watching it in that format. Again, it's better than nothing. And this Blood Diner is a must watch.It's difficult to find the words to accurately describe Blood Diner. I don't want to give the impression that there is unintentional comedy here, they knew what they were doing when they made this flick. Most of the camp in this film is definitely by design, except for maybe some of the worst acting - namely Detective Shepard. A lot of movies that "know" they are bad, and play that aspect up, end up really sucking (a lot of Full Moon pictures come to mind), but Blood Diner really works. It ain't Re-Animator, but it's a great unheralded gem just waiting to be discovered.
Master Cultist Horror comedy. Now that's a tricky formula to pull off. Many have tried, few have succeeded. For every 'Shaun of the Dead' there's an 'An American Werewolf in Paris', know what I mean? This one gets it about half right.The plot is the purest nonsense - a mad scientist winds up disembodied, a brain in a jar if you will, and decides that the only thing to do is to construct a perfect female specimen in order to revive an ancient She-God who goes by the name of Sheetar. He enlists the help of a pair of cannibal locals, and the bits of the women they don't use go into the food at the diner they run, making their veggie burgers by far the best in town. Cue loads of ridiculous gore and general mayhem.There are some wonderfully odd moments; the naked woman who 'turns' - one minute victim, the next karate chopping avenger; the guitar playing Hitler's and the stomach with teeth, but there's also a fair amount of slapstick which is less welcome. A mixed bag, but far from rubbish and, in its own weird way, quite original.Enjoyable if flawed.
